Well, it's time again for my Christmas Wish List.
And now that we finally have a Dem congress, maybe I will get everything I want. Here it is:
1. Free money. Lots of it. Why can't the government just print some extra and mail it to us? Why? What would it cost them? Those stingy Repubs just won't do it. Grinches. I'd bet it costs less than 1/10th of a penny to print a ten thousand dollar bill. And at a 50% federal tax rate, they would get $5000 back for a $.001 investment in one year. How bad is that?
2. Free "Legal Care." You have no idea how much my companies spend waste spend on Law Departments and New York legal fees. Millions. Not fair in a country where rule of law is the essence of the nation. How can a person protect their rights and freedom without free legal care? I mean real lawyers, not those Legal Aid pony-tail types with holes in their socks, beer and pastrami on their breath, and a plea bargain attitude.
3. Free Dental Care. Do you know what my periodontist wants to fix a bad tooth? More than I pay my tax accountant. You age, and the teeth just don't hold up. It's not fair. Gimme money.
4. Free college and grad school. Got kids? Grandkids? Someone has to pay the bill. Why me? These are after-tax dollars, and it hurts. Let Uncle Sam pay the bill, if he wants everyone to be overeducated cube dwellers, squinting at screens like I am doing right now.
5. Free Chateau Margaux '89. Hey - that could be a slogan, like "Free Mumia" or The Chicago 7 or whoever. Why should I have to work my butt off for a basic happiness? Not fair at all, because some can afford it without even thinking. Happiness is in the Constitution, isn't it? Or is it in the Declaration of Happiness? You just know that somebody, somewhere, is making a profit on this stuff.
6. Free cars. All of our salesmen get them. Why can't I? I'll take two of these. One red, one yellow.
7. Free vacations. Why should I pay for them? I need them, to maintain my productivity and health and my cheerful approach to life and work. It's a Right, isn't it? And when I am unhappy, everyone else gets unhappy. Not good.
8. Free tickets home for Christmas for illegals. One way. Fix your own countries, people. This one is ours. We, and our ancestors, have had to fix it a few times, and we are still trying. No reason you cannot do the same.
9. Free Digital Cameras. Why should a wealthy nation like ours require folks to buy their own, when they become obsolete in a year? We, as a nation, can afford to take care of everyone's camera needs, if we only cared enough. Photos are a basic right, enshrined in the Constitution - right? It's like free speech, or free self-expression, or something like that.
10. Free ammo. Do you have any idea what the new, lead-free ammo costs? Any nation with gun freedoms can surely afford free ammo for all of its citizens. If we can send a man to the moon, ...etc. Plus it's also in the Constitution. Let's begin with shotgun ammo. The 9 mm stuff can come later: it's called "incrementalism."
11. Free Veterinary (and Medical) Care. Do you have any idea what the wife's vet bills add up to? Worse than our Barrister's, I'd bet. His wife has more horses that mine does, but mine has more doggone dogs. Not to mention my hunting dogs. Vet bills are far worse than medical bills, or otherwise I would go to my Vet when I get sick like Skink does. Free Vet Care, NOW! Including dog Stress Management! When I miss a bird, my dog gets very stressed out... and I miss a lot. If you really cared, you would pay my dog's shrink bills.
That's it for this year. Back to ya next time, Santa,
With deep appreciation for all that you do - we love ya, dude.
The Chairman
