My
Dear Generale Bird Dog,
Kudos for an excellent blog. I read it twice daily, before I brush my teeth in the morning, and before I go to bed with my most recent proletarian sex slave comrade, (carefully selected by Raul from our political prisons Happy Thinking Centers, well-fed, smelling sweet, and cleaned up nice almost like a chiquita South Beach gal with Victoria's Secret thong, etc., just for poor little ol' me).
Yes, the girls cheer me up. How would you like a visit from Hugo or Raul on your death bed? Would that cheer you up? No. Or old Mrs. Castro? With her old lady smell? And her Bible and rosary? God forbid!
You raise the level of discussion of the entire blogosphere, with wit, intelligence, and cultivation. And you keep my kind of people thinking, instead of stultifying in the coffin of dead ideas and dead theories. We leaders must be stimulated, but, alas, we cannot allow the People to get confused! Keep up the good work. You capitalists have such humor! I wish we could afford it.
But please, amigo - just three minor criticisms: Too many Jesus pictures - it reminds me of my blessed mother, God rest her soul. More babes instead, please, to distract us from the subject of age and death. And how come no baseball commentary? And, lastly, how come no stock tips? You Yanquis know the score, but my Swiss bankers were behind the S&P last year, not even including fees! And my hedge funds did great, but after fees, and after your terrible US short-term capital gains taxes, I hardly kept up with inflation! Sheesh. Thanks a ton, Hugo, Thesesa, Cindy, and Hillary, for the necessary introductions to your hedgie friends - I might as well have had a proletarian Vanguard tax-exempt fund! And my "pal" Georgie Soros can ---- me for his after-tax gains! He is a burro and a closet capitalist pig, masquerading as an internationalist socialist!
With warmest personal socialist regards from beautiful Cuba, (where the sunshine is from Fidel, the hurricanes are from Bush, the cigars are great, freedom is just a bourgeois indulgence, and the money is from, wait, where? Oh, there isn't any for them, but why do the People need money if they're happy? Free medical care from aging experienced Russia-trained doctors!!! Free rice!!! Free beans!!! Beano from your Miami relatives!!! No more revolution, and no more confusion!!!)
Your amigo, Fidel Castro Fidelito
PS. Still waiting for that next Viagra shipment from the States, the large WalMart package. I have left orders to leave it all in my coffin, just in case. Not to worry - Raul will send you the cigars via Mexico. Haha. Like Freud? Sometimes a good one is worth a Cuban cigar? Viva WalMart. The price is right.
PPS: Are you sure you can sneak me into Sloan-Kettering if I need to go? You have a certain connection? Are you sure they have priests there? It doesn't matter to me, but it matters to my beloved countrymen. I think I might need a good Jewish doctor, and all we have are these glorifed Russian nurses that call themselves "Dr.," and shake so much they give you the creeps. Rum and tequila. If they drink rum at breakfast, they settle down and seem OK, but it's not exactly New York medicine, and Raul says they are 40 years out of date, but what does he know? Their medicines expired in 1972, but its free! Heck, it's good enough for The Little People! But they are ignorant! Thank God! If they got the internets, we'd be SCREWED!
