Is the masculine ideal obsolete? Outside the American Psychological Association, I think few men or women would agree.
However, there are many ways to be male, as many ways as there are to be female. During youth and adolescence, people develop what we term "ego ideals" - notions of what our best self might be. These come from family peers, from the culture, and from experience which teaches us what things are effective and what is not.
Our ideals for ourselves are often at variance with our genetics and with our potentials. Reality is the toughest teacher and toughest grader ever.
It's my experience that women prefer masculine men (however defined) but it rarely means brutal or unkind men. Men and women have ideals not only for themselves, but for partners and friends too. What is my ideal life partner? Strong mentally and physically, smart and savvy, athletic, brave and adventurous, high life-competence and adaptability, emotionally-reserved but open to friendship, and sexy and tender at times. I found one of those guys. The detail that he knows how to make money is just a bonus because I make a good living on my own.
nb: I am not a Psychologist. I am an MD, a Psychiatrist. But we're all interested in people and what makes them tick or not tick.
People snark that Psychologists are not known to be the most manly guys or the most feminine women, but I wonder what readers think the APA is really trying to say?
