We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
That's the title of this post, but I do not mean to restrict this little discussion to the workplace. The issue is that, wherever men and women congregate regularly, "chemical" attractions occur commonly.
These of course range from very mild to intense. It is difficult for people to focus on what they intend to do when there is a powerful attraction to a nice person of the opposite sex who is in regular proximity and contact. I have had people say to me "Is there anything you can do to help me get rid of this crush on so and so? It's messing up my workout/job/tennis game, etc."
A colleague and I were talking about this recently, and he (jokingly) suggested that people in that situation should just jump into bed together and eliminate the romantic/sexual tension and eliminate the mystery. "Get it over with. It's just biology." And of course their are rules about these things in the workplace.
In my view, such things are not necessarily a sign that a person is in a lousy relationship. Could be, but humans are designed to experience these things.
If a close friend confesses to you that some guy or gal at work or somewhere else is driving them nuts with desire, what would you say to them? Would you say"Grow up!"?
This kind of behavior is over, given the MeToo movement.
I think the opposite is more likely to be the case, that more men are going to have objections to working with women, especially being put in a one-on-one situation, because of the ever-present threat of sexual harassment or sexual assault claims.
Certainly the wiser course of action in the workplace is for men to follow the Billy Graham Rule. No one-on-one interractions; no socializing; no closed door meetings without another man being present; etc. One misstep in not following the rules strictly, and your life could be ruined through a false accusation.
In certain work environments these attractions are inevitable. High stress, long hours, strong focus on a single purpose or objective, leads to a shared experience that can create a bond it is difficult to ignore or walk away from.
As others here have said though, in these times of #MeToo, it is the wise man that ignores the attraction.
I'm so sorry to hear of your husband's death, Pam.
What to do about a crush? Depends whether either of you has an existing relationship you're interested in honoring and protecting. If so, then enjoy the thrill briefly if you must, but use whatever techniques you usually use to avoid doing things that sound like they'd be gratifying in the short run but disastrous in the long. If not, then have at it! The worst that can happen is that the relationship might not work out and/or one or both of you will need to find a new job. Sounds worth the risk to me.
Given that it is 2018, and given the results in this http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2016/images/01/06/nhsr88.pdf
> nice person of the opposite sex who is in regular proximity and contact.
should probably read:
> nice person of the attractive sex who is in regular proximity and contact.
What to do about it?
Life is too complicated for simple answers, but you fulfill your duties and obligations first. Then you make sure your actions reduce chaos and drama. THEN you satisfy your wibbly bits.
William O. B'Livion
snopercod..."There's an interesting chemistry between flight instructors and students of the opposite sex."
A woman who is a long-time pilot and flight instructor, and who has also worked as an FAA Inspector, writes a column in an aviation magazine. She recently said:
"I still believe that any red-blooded American girl who comes out to the airport because she’s crazy about flying and takes lessons from a real live man sitting next to her will likely not only learn to fly but be smitten, enthralled and bewitched by him”....and also "f you’re a heterosexual female and you’re not crazy about the guy showing you how to do it — well, there’s something wrong with him or you."
However, this female helicopter pilot does not agree: