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Sunday, January 17. 2016

Grief and "closure"

There is a sort of closure when a missing person is found dead or alive. There is closure any time a question mark is resolved with a fact.


However, there is no closure to grief.  Major losses leave a hole in the soul. The sediments of time layer evenly over everything, but the depression in the ground remains for your lifetime.  WSJ (paywall, alas): Closure Really Is a Myth, A Stumbling Block to Grief - I know both professionally and from my own experience that the term “closure” isn’t only a myth, it’s an illusion that is counterproductive.

Posted by Dr. Joy Bliss in Psychology, and Dr. Bliss at 15:48 | Comments (8) | Trackbacks (0)

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Hi Dr. Bliss,

Just Google the article's exact title for WSJ items behind their firewall. The first hit is the full text of the article, every time.
#1 Erasmus on 2016-01-17 17:40 (Reply)
Closure for the tragedies in a person's life only really comes with their death. Until then it's just a matter of how you bear them.
#2 James on 2016-01-17 18:47 (Reply)
I will say that grief is somewhat like a war wound, somewhat to a lot incapacitating, that scars over after time, seems to go away, yet occasionally twinges or hurts really bad for no known or readily observable reason. That's how it is for me.
#3 Sam L. on 2016-01-17 20:00 (Reply)
The impossible grief after losing my wife six months ago made me hope that it would eventually be over. Closure. I see now that her sweet influences will be with me always and the grief is making me a better man. I am kinder to others, more patient, and the grief is turning into gratitude for the time we had together. I'm glad to hear someone say it; that closure is a counterproductive myth.

Grief is good and it is making me a changed man; changes I could not have made myself, no matter how much striving to attain them.
#4 fodderwing on 2016-01-17 20:31 (Reply)
Best wishes my friend. God bless.
#4.1 Estoy Listo on 2016-01-17 21:41 (Reply)
Professionals' advice on losing a dog: another dog, same breed, as soon as possible.

http://www.sas.upenn.edu/~cavitch/pdf-library/Hearne_OyezABeaumont.pdf

Excellent essay by Vicki Hearne.
#5 rhhardin (Link) on 2016-01-18 08:07 (Reply)
I don't know what closure is, but I do know that sometimes learning the circumstances of a loved one's death can make all the difference in the world. I had a sister I believed killed herself with an overdose, but the coroner explained that a congenital berry aneurysm had burst in her brain. Yes, she died either way, but it was important to know she hadn't suicided.
#6 Texan99 on 2016-01-18 10:09 (Reply)
Every time time I hear another public figure proclaim it is time for the Healing To Begin, it makes me want to scream.

How presumptuous!
#7 Jose on 2016-01-18 11:59 (Reply)

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