Maggie's Farm

I think that young women with conservative values who hope to raise a traditional family, however talented and professionally accomplished themselves, have a terror of marrying someone who will become a stay at home dad, IE: leave the woman with all the bread winning responsibility as well as the household and kiddie stuff her nature inclines her to gladly do. This leads to exhaustion for the mother, and strains even the most loving matches.

I have rarely if ever seen a stay at home dad who does as much housework, family maintenance as women automatically do. This is why some women like older men who have proved that they can hold a job, are responsible, can delay gratification, and have had enough fun that they won't resent the temporary wingclipping on both parents of paying a lot of attention to young children (as some immature men and women do). Also, perhaps they find them more chivalrous? I married someone only 4 years older, but I valued the stability he had demonstrated in assorted things he'd done.

I'm sure there are admirable stay at home Dads but the ones I know are just long term unemployed. Their wives get fed up (sympathy lasts about 5 years max) but can't divorce them because in my state they'd have to pay alimony. Tho they do no housework or significant childcare. This is a major factor in why young, less educated middle class women in my state increasingly opt to have their kids out of wedlock, so as not to have to support a feckless partner forever. I bite my tongue to keep from saying, why have kids with someone who.isn't functional.

I'm not talking about the obvious reverses all of us long married types vowed to cherish our spouses thru...Anyone can have bad luck, a psycho boss, or be laid off. And a good wife gets a job to feed the kids if her spouse can't.
In the 1662 Solemnization of Holy Matrimony from the Book of Common Prayer, there is a charge that is timeless, that marriage was ordained mot just for kids and sex but also "for the mutual society, help and comfort that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity.". I know that I am not always a perfectly amiable or obedient wife, but my spouse and I have lived up to this charge of being helpmates. The medieval image of marriage (unpopular today) was of oxen ypked to the plow. Working together.
But long term role reversal that goes against the natural inclinations of each partner? Not good. Call me reactionary, but it can be very bad for a marriage to have the man at home too long. Imho. He gets depressed, and she gets resentful. The kids don't care, because kids dont care about household cleanliness or who's there when they come home from school.