Some thoughts about how to keep monogamy interesting

Quicksearch

Blog Administration

RSS Readers

Tuesday, February 26. 2013

Some thoughts about how to keep monogamy interesting

We all agree that human monogamy is not "natural" in any animal sense. It's a stretch. If marriage matters to you, and you've been married over a year or ten, this could a pretty useful talk, and takes the topic further and more intelligently than the supermarket magazines ever will.

Just one of the secrets seems to be experiencing one's spouse in different situations and seeing them being effective or impressive in different ways - socially, professionally, intellectually, adventurously, morally, humorously, physically, talent-gifted, etc. We can never know everything about another person and it is much easier to become familiar with a spouse's flaws than with their varied strengths, many of which may be hidden from us.

For one example, when on occasion I have barged into my husband when he is deep in prayer, I do see him with new eyes. For another, when I see him regaling people with wacky stories at a party.

The secrets to desire in a long-term relationship:

Posted by Dr. Joy Bliss in Psychology, and Dr. Bliss at 15:01 | Comments (8) | Trackbacks (0)

Trackbacks

Trackback specific URI for this entry

No Trackbacks

Comments

Display comments as (Linear | Threaded)

Thank you, thought provoking and important.

#1 Westoakland on 2013-02-26 15:30 (Reply)

I know I'm gonna catch hell for this but, here goes:
Most people who cheat either do so because they can. That is they are attractive and the other gender falls all over them and we are all human and do stupid human things. OR they do so because they aren't really all that smart. It could be that they are young and don't realize how this will impact their marriage or they aren't young and are simply stupid. And the last group aren't happy. Doesn't matter why they aren't happy, could be their own fault, their spouse's fault, no one's fault, does not matter. You probably won't change these people simply by giving them advice. Life may teach them eventually but good advice is rarely taken. Likewise there is alarge percentage of people who do not cheat. And those people usually don't need this advice. What we are really looking at here is human nature and sure enough humans are living up to their inner needs and desires. I don't expect it to change anytime soon.

#2 GoneWithTheWind on 2013-02-26 16:42 (Reply)

GWTW, your comment is brief and comprehensive and true. I've been sitting here thinking of something to add to it, and I really can't.

#2.1 D on 2013-02-26 17:54 (Reply)

Well, it's not a bad talk but there is nothing new there. Maybe I'm just getting old, but every time I hear the phrase "Never before have we ..." when talking about human relationships, I say BS. Actually, in a world saturated by media and technology, human relationships are probably the least changeable things.

On the subject of fidelity or infidelity, I though GoneWiththe Wind summarized it pretty well.

#3 D on 2013-02-26 17:43 (Reply)

Three minutes into the video....click, NEXT?!! After 47 years of marriage to the same person, do I need a TED lecture from someone to tell me how to make a long-term relationship survive and thrive?

#4 Agent Cooper on 2013-02-26 18:07 (Reply)

Levanas's Phenomenology of Eros (an appendix in Totality and Infinity) has it nicely from, I am told, a man's point of view.

A woman's point of view is apparently different.

Given that difference, something is being left out of the talk.

#5 rhhardin (Link) on 2013-02-26 18:59 (Reply)

Annoying voice, hard look, couldn't watch the video. Really when it comes down to it, we live in such an eroticised culture that its not enough that its all porn all the time but we have to have some bright lecturer who looks and sounds like she was the star of "Ilsa She-wolf of the SS" tell us how to keep the fires burning.
People who cheat are short sighted and destroy the happiness they might have had of growing old together, wound their children to the quick and are generally stupid a**holes. Really the plumbing is all the same, sex is all right but it isn't a transcendent event . Get over it already.

#6 bill on 2013-02-27 02:19 (Reply)

As for these comments: WOW! Just WOW! Short sighted and totally misapprehensive of what was expressed and of human nature!

Must cogitate and return with something more than what GWTW said, which I view as too conclusory and very shallow, supportive of nothing more than the "victim".

#7 Earl T on 2013-02-27 10:30 (Reply)

Add Comment

Name
Email	(Your e-mail will not show in your comment)
Homepage
In reply to
Comment	By commenting on this site you agree to the site rules listed here. Email addresses will not be displayed and will only be used for email notifications. Quick reference guide: [i] italics [/i], [b] bold [/b], [u] underline [/u], [url] (web address) [/url]. More tips here. Enclosing asterisks marks text as bold (word), underscore are made via _word_. E-Mail addresses will not be displayed and will only be used for E-Mail notifications. To prevent automated Bots from commentspamming, please enter the string you see in the image below in the appropriate input box. Your comment will only be submitted if the strings match. Please ensure that your browser supports and accepts cookies, or your comment cannot be verified correctly. Enter the string from the spam-prevention image above: BBCode format allowed
	Remember Information? Subscribe to this entry

Maggie's Farm

Our Recent Essays Behind the Front Page

Categories

Quicksearch

Links

Blog Administration

RSS Readers

Tuesday, February 26. 2013

Some thoughts about how to keep monogamy interesting