We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
We all agree that human monogamy is not "natural" in any animal sense. It's a stretch. If marriage matters to you, and you've been married over a year or ten, this could a pretty useful talk, and takes the topic further and more intelligently than the supermarket magazines ever will.
Just one of the secrets seems to be experiencing one's spouse in different situations and seeing them being effective or impressive in different ways - socially, professionally, intellectually, adventurously, morally, humorously, physically, talent-gifted, etc. We can never know everything about another person and it is much easier to become familiar with a spouse's flaws than with their varied strengths, many of which may be hidden from us.
For one example, when on occasion I have barged into my husband when he is deep in prayer, I do see him with new eyes. For another, when I see him regaling people with wacky stories at a party.
The secrets to desire in a long-term relationship:
I know I'm gonna catch hell for this but, here goes:
Most people who cheat either do so because they can. That is they are attractive and the other gender falls all over them and we are all human and do stupid human things. OR they do so because they aren't really all that smart. It could be that they are young and don't realize how this will impact their marriage or they aren't young and are simply stupid. And the last group aren't happy. Doesn't matter why they aren't happy, could be their own fault, their spouse's fault, no one's fault, does not matter. You probably won't change these people simply by giving them advice. Life may teach them eventually but good advice is rarely taken. Likewise there is alarge percentage of people who do not cheat. And those people usually don't need this advice. What we are really looking at here is human nature and sure enough humans are living up to their inner needs and desires. I don't expect it to change anytime soon.
Well, it's not a bad talk but there is nothing new there. Maybe I'm just getting old, but every time I hear the phrase "Never before have we ..." when talking about human relationships, I say BS. Actually, in a world saturated by media and technology, human relationships are probably the least changeable things.
On the subject of fidelity or infidelity, I though GoneWiththe Wind summarized it pretty well.
Annoying voice, hard look, couldn't watch the video. Really when it comes down to it, we live in such an eroticised culture that its not enough that its all porn all the time but we have to have some bright lecturer who looks and sounds like she was the star of "Ilsa She-wolf of the SS" tell us how to keep the fires burning.
People who cheat are short sighted and destroy the happiness they might have had of growing old together, wound their children to the quick and are generally stupid a**holes. Really the plumbing is all the same, sex is all right but it isn't a transcendent event . Get over it already.