And I don't mean large in a Chris Christie kinda way, I mean large in a spit-in-the-face-of-the-law, let's-incite-anarchy kinda way. That kinda large.
I've never gone to Coyote's site on a regular basis. Coyotes are, to be perfectly frank, scavengers. And a pretty scruffy lot, to boot. As such, I also tend to view his writing as 'scruffy'.
Such is the power of word association.
Well, Bird Dog bravely linked to this scalawag the other day, so I held my breath (coyotes live in filth, I needn't remind you) and checked it out. I enjoyed the article, but it seemed like there was something 'off' about it. I read a few more posts and continued having this strange feeling that all wasn't right in the world of coyote scruffiness.
Then I discovered the raw, naked truth: A blatant admission to the world that he had spit in the face of Truth, Justice and The American Way by preaching outright anarchy against the government!
Striking a Blow Against the State
Automatic weapons, you ask? Incendiary bombs? Molotov Cocktails?
No!
I am proudly holding the government-mandated flow restrictor I just removed from my most recent shower head purchase.
Pic: Artist's concept of the crime in progress
After calling the FBI, DHS, EPA and OSHA (just for good measure) about this self-admitted nihilist, I felt it my duty to warn you, the Maggie's Valued Reader™, about this 'gateway crime' — where the pusher draws you into his web of sin with a 'simple' crime — only to have you later trapped into doing his bidding when it comes time to rob that armored car guarded by six ex-Army commandos with Uzis and you end up dying a horrific, painful, bloody death — and all because you visited Coyote's blog.
I also thought I might elaborate on his post, so that you may further know exactly what to watch out for while steering clear of gateway crimes such as this. I have a little perspective on the whole water-rationing thing because I was a sub-contractor when California went through an official 8-year drought back in the 80's. Then the weather cycle flipped back around and 'flood control' was at the top of everybody's list.
Such were the whims and vagaries of weather, back in the days before global warming, back when nature still had a say.
I remember them well.
I'll presume you've read his post.
On the technical front, if the flow restrictor doesn't pop right out with an ice pick or small screwdriver, you can always just stick a 1/4" drill bit in the 7-micron hole and drill it out.
As for low-flow toilets, about the only thing you can do is make sure the water level in the tank is as high as it can be. For the older type of toilet valve with the big float ball, turn the adjustment screw or bend the rod up until the water is just below the overflow tube. For the newer plastic types, there's usually a fine-tuning adjustment on it, and the whole unit will raise by twisting it.
If you're determined to overcome the low-flow problem, just go find an old-style toilet and install it. Like a lot of things, it's not illegal to sell or buy them — just illegal to use them. If the water cops ever catch you, just tell them Coyote made you do it and give them his web site address. The Feds always prefer to go after the mastermind arch-criminal rather than the hapless flunky.
One of the points 'Yotey makes is that water isn't 'scarce' everywhere, so why are restricted shower heads, faucets and toilets a federal mandate? Damn good question.
But it can be a little tricky. When I moved to Las Vegas, I was stunned at the high water pressure. I had never seen it so high before, and I've lived in every corner of the U.S. Yet Vegas is in the middle of a friggin' desert, so isn't that where the water pressure would be lowest?
It would, except that Vegas has this great big fresh water supply called Lake Mead all to itself, so there's plenty to go around and it's just spend, spend, spend until the well runs dry — as befits the Vegas way.
As for the California drought I mentioned, once it became 'official' and temporary water restriction ordinances were in effect, the property managers I worked for had me replace a zillion shower heads with the new, improved planet-saving devices.
When it came to toilets, this was back before low-flow toilets came along, so I put a brick in everybody's toilet tank so it wouldn't flush as much water.
On a personal level, though, I did the same at home. Everybody pitched in; nobody 'resented' our bad luck or blamed anybody. As I said, this was back before AGW, so reality still had a say in the matter. These days, well, we all saw what happened when the recent Midwest drought was officially labeled a 'drought'. The AGW zealots came out in droves. And a lot of people read this stuff and believe it.
There will be Midwesterners out there today looking at their dead lawn, then eyeballing their neighbor driving up in his planet-killing SUV and thinking, "Thanks a lot, asshole."
And thank you, AGW crowd, for helping to make our neighborhoods a nicer, friendlier place.
Some notes on fixing water leaks, etc:
— Unless it's some oddball brand, like Moen, dripping house faucets are usually very easy to repair. You just turn off the cut-off valve where the water pipe comes through the wall, pop off the cap on top of the faucet knob, undo a screw to get the knob off, then unscrew the valve with a crescent wrench. Replace the little rubber washer on the bottom of the valve and you're done. If it doesn't have a rubber washer, replace the whole valve.
— Dripping showers are just like faucets except you'll need a cheap set of deep-well shower sockets to turn out the valve. Turn off the house water, twist out the valve, replace the rubber washer and you're good to go.
— Dripping garden hose bibs are also easy to fix. Turn off the house water, screw off the valve's collar, twist out the valve then replace the rubber washer. If the faucet's too corroded inside, it should just unscrew from the pipe so it can be easily replaced (it says here).
— A running toilet has to be one of two things (assuming it's not leaking onto the floor). The most obvious is when the float adjustment is off and water is spilling into the overflow tube. Do whatever it takes to lower the water level.
If it's not that, it has to be leaking past the flapper — that rubber thing that lifts up with the chain when the toilet's flushed. It might just have some dirt around the bottom edge and isn't making a good seal. Take a scrub sponge or SOS pad to the bottom of the flapper and the top of the plastic rim. If that doesn't fix it, replace the flapper.
Also, feel the top of the rim while you're there. If you feel a small notch in it, that's the problem. Whether or not that piece can be replaced depends on whether the bolt heads inside the tank are too corroded to get a screwdriver on them so the nuts can be removed from below.
As far as aerators go, they naturally limit water so not all have flow restrictors. Take it apart, and if you see a white plastic disc with a small hole in the middle, remove it. If the aerator then leaks at the threads because you removed some of the spacing and it's not making a tight fit, drill out the disc and put it back in.
If you look at the other parts of the aerator, you'll see a white plastic insert with lots of tiny holes. Tiny grains of sand can block these up. Use a pin or needle to clean things out.
Speaking of blocked aerators, if you turn off the water to the house, always run something without an aerator, like the tub, for half a minute after you open it back up. Closing and reopening the main valve might kick up a few microbits of dirt, sand or rust, and if you run a faucet first, they might clog up those tiny holes.
Any specific plumbing questions, give a holler in the comments.
As for you Junior Anarchists out there, it's widely acknowledged that CoyoteBlog is where the hip crowd meets. You simply don't get that kind of high-quality anarchy on your average blog site. In fact, I heard he's thinking of changing his blog's motto.
Anarchy With Style!
That's our Coyote, scruffy to the end.
