This excerpted and paraphrased from a rare phone chat with the busy Yankee Farmer, who is a straight-talker and figures he earned the right to say whatever he wants after his winter in Korea, (with all expletives deleted - the LYF hasn't heard about PC yet, and never will):
The LYF is a passionate conservationist, as everyone knows. Meaning stay the --- off my farm. But he is pleased by yesterday's Senate vote permitting drilling in the ANWAR. Pleased because it is a victory of reason over pure emotion, a victory over what Bird Dog terms "sentimental environmentalism." The drilling will harm little. And we Americans love oil - don't try to tell me you don't slurp it up like Evian. He's got a tractor that gets about 2 miles/gallon, and needs a new quart of oil every two hours. Loves oil.
If people really want a pristine ANWAR, first quit your car and your heat and your electric. Second, chase those pesky Eskimos out of there. They don't recycle their beer cans and Canadian Club bottles, they shoot Rudolf in and out of season, harpoon whales for fun, shoot baby polar bears for target practice, eat cute seals when their check is late, and generally scare the wildlife and make a mess. Similar to what the LYF does in Vermont.
And since these poor, smelly, ignorant, pathetic folks are basically homeless - you can't call a snow pile a home or call seal fat food - they should be moved to government housing projects in Anchorage or Detroit, where they could enjoy the dignity this oppressed minority deserves, along with all of the blessings of civilization including 24-hour corner liquor stores, Planned Parenthood, the local Democratic Club, and McDonald's.
Now if you want to make some place pristine, start with Vermont or Massachusetts or Connecticut. Ski condos, houses, asphalt, schools, buildings, and too many obnoxious people. Who needs 'em? Who are these people, anyway? Get 'em out of there. And while you're at it, get rid of the darn Indians too and their filthy, polluting, corrupting casinos. Just leave the damn farms alone.
(As a qualified 1/8th Iroquois, the LYF is ALLOWED to criticize Indians, but he would say that you immigrants are too scared to, aren't you? You land-stealing immigrants don't want to find an arrow or a stone ax in your chest while you're sleeping, do ya?)
