One of our many brilliant readers came up with a theory about the terrifying and unsightly "obesity crisis." People aren't smoking tobacco enough, anymore. That's the real cause. People used to have an enjoyable, relaxing smoke in the office instead of a donut or two.
Where's the graph that demonstrates the correlation between overweight and not smoking?
Tobacco satisfies oral greed, suppresses appetite, produces serenity, conveys an air of edgy sophistication, brings big bucks to greedy governments and tobacco farmers like Al Gore - and we must always remember that "A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke."
Now I'm sure I am in big trouble with the nannies...