Maggie's Farm

We have bred a generation of supremely self-confident incompetents.

Failure, in its various degrees, is a fact of life but one must be aware that one has failed in order to learn from it. The Supremely Self-Confidents (SSCs) aren't aware of their failures because they are always congratulated, or otherwise rewarded, just for breathing.

Success in life may be 80% "just showing up" but one must do something more even after one has mastered that simple bit. It is in the remaining 20% that we face and learn form our failures and slowly build the experience of success.

Good judgement is what we learn from experience. Experience is that thing we get immediately after we needed good judgement that was lacking. Unless the feedback loop is defeated by false praise.

What a shame we've shutoff this important feedback loop.

Juan - set expectations appropriately high. When expectations are exceeded praise or otherwise reward. When expectations are not met let them know and, when appropriate, punish. It really isn't all that difficult.

Once upon a time a teacher asked the class what rules they had at home. My daughter responded that we really didn't have rules for her. The teacher expressed doubt and displeasure which provoked a family discussion at dinner. e came to realize that, in fact, we really didn't operate by "rules". There were, of course, instructions; for example, "be home by 10:00PM" as they headed out the door. Or "do your homework before you go to Katie's" or "call us when you get there". But they were not hard and fast rules that applied in every situation - they were instructions appropriate to the situation.

It was my daughter who hit upon the fact that it was expectations we imposed rather than rules. Our daughters were expected to do as well as they could possibly do with their school work. They were expected to behave properly and to not cause us, themselves, or anyone else trouble. There were high expectations and, therefore, rules were not required.