Divorce
According to Marquardt, the author of the excellent Between Two Worlds, two-thirds of divorces in America are "optional" or elective, ie not a consequence of abuse, violence, addictions, adultery, or similar lethally destructive misbehavior.
Orson Card has written a wise, thoughtful, and mature review of Marquardt's book, and I agree with every word in it. In my experience, many "unhappy" people are unwilling to see that much unhappiness comes from within, not from without, and refuse to see that they have the power to make things work, or not work. Or to see that much human misery comes from people's unwillingness, or inability, to grow up.
And both Card, and Marquardt, are emphatic about the point that a family is not a casual institution entered into for "personal fulfillment" or selfish gratifications: it is meant to be a rock and foundation for growing people - both the married people and any kids. Being married is difficult, sacrificial, possibly sacred, and oftentimes happy and peaceful, especially when we take it for granted and do not even realize that we have a good thing going. Marriage is not "natural." Honeymoons never last; passion fades when faced with daily reality; everyone has terrible, nasty flaws; the grass is rarely greener except for a brief time. It's too bad that the adolescent fantasies of true love that lasts forever is not automatic, but must be built and re-built over time.
Some quotes from Card's review:
"....Between Two Worlds is not just an important book, it is a highly readable one. And, to put it plainly, I believe that anyone who has children and is contemplating a divorce should regard it as a solemn duty to read this book first, and take its findings into consideration."
and:
"Given that our whole society seems to believe the myth of romantic love -- that hormonal yearnings should trump rational commitments -- it's hardly a surprise that many perfectly good marriages break up over matters that should have been left behind in adolescence. Bad enough the heartbreak such misbehavior causes among the formerly married. But when children are involved, the selfishness and callousness of the behavior of some supposed adults should earn the disapproval of all civilized people.
But we are all so nice, so nonjudgmental, that we have to assure everyone that we aren't condemning anybody, that "it's your life." "
Read the whole thing.
