See Aliyah Diary category to learn what this is about.
Nov. 6, 2005
Rutie's Tears
When Rutie, my teacher, finally broke into tears, it caught me in the
throat. I could barely sing.
It started simply enough. Our ulpan classes gathered in Shulamit's
Tent for singing. Opher, the moshav-dweller who plays piano -- and
flute, and accordion (which he prefers, as he feels he is one with the
instrument) and directs the choir, and gives us the tours, and is the
secular Torah/Mishnah/Gemarrah teacher --embraces me as I enter,
remembers me from two years ago. Embraces me with one of those bear
hugs that Mizrahi Jews are better at than us Ashkenazim. (Patrick and
David know better of which I speak.)
We are preparing for a Rabin memorial ceremony next week with the
visiting army troops. The troops are to sing for us, and in
appreciation, Opher is preparing us to sing for them,. An Israeli
gift. So, this gaggle of Argentine-accented, and French-accented, even
two Japanese-accented Hebrew students and a couple like me, are being
directed in Opher's spirited manner as he plays a tuneless piano, or
dons his accordian. Before each song, Opher invites a teacher to read
and speak of the lyrics, we should know whereof we sing. [Later, I
recall that Plato wanted to ban poetry (at that time, sung lyrics)
from the Republic, as music bypasses the rational and goes straight to
the heart. (So, right he is about that. Leonard Bernstein gives five
characteristics by which to judge good music, then tacks on a sixth:
does it hit straight to the heart.)
At Rutie's turn, we are to sing "Shir Lasholom." I see that she is
reluctant to come up, maybe shy, I wonder, which is so at odds with
her character (See later, or a recent missive, she of
gelled/hennaed/spiky hair, diminutive body which was built too small
to contain the eruptive enthusiasms.). Then she goes on quite at
length, first of the story of its last singing by Rabin, then
line-by-line, word-by-word, so we absorb its depth. (Now, I see she
was temporizing, holding off on the depth to which this tune, these
words, struck to her heart, a direct shot.) Not only did Rabin, ten
years ago, at first reluctantly join the singing, then lustily and
tunelessly (like Opher's piano) join all the other ministers on the
stage sing along to Yaakov Rotblit's and Yair ("enlighten")
Rosenbloom's song, but afterwards, folded the lyrics, placed them in
his inside left breast pocket, where it did not stop either of the two
bullets shot into his back by Yigal Amir, where it was bloodstained
instead.
I regret I don't have words persuasive enough to capture what
happened to Rutie next. First, her voice dropped as we lustily
chorused along, then the blotchiness appeared ascending her throat,
creeping around the eyes, until this blood brought tears and she
turned away from us and her music stopped. This caught me, a bit by
surprise (tears still come as I write this and listen to the music
from Rav Hovel ("Captain, my Captain," Wordsworth's poem to Lincoln
after his head-shot assassination.) Front and center photo last
weekend Ha'aretz is a shot of Amir standing, gun still elevated as
Rabin's body is stretched part way into the back seat of the car,
bodyguards crouched, guns drawn and not firing. (This occurs to me as
I see Rutie.) I martial on with the singing, I do not hear others'
voices catching, but I become concentrated on the voice.
Here is my unpoetic translation of Rabin's last song:
(I depend on Myron to correct my errors)
Give us the sun to rise/ To light the morning./ Our morning prayers/
Won't bring them back./
Whomever's candle is snuffed out/and buried in the dust/ My bitter
tears will not raise him/ Won't return him from there.
Our man won't be brought back/ From the black pit beneath/ From
there, no victory celebration/ No songs of praise.
[Therefore, only sing a song to peace/ Don't whisper prayers/ Better
to sing a song to peace/ In a great shout.]
Give us the sun to penetrate/ For the flower's sake./ Don't look
back/(continue walking./
Let your eyes in hope/ Not in the path passed/ Sing a song of love/
And not of wars!/
Don't tell us -- A day will come/ Bring us the day (so it won't be a
dream)/ And in each town square/ Let us raise (a song) of peace."
(My two daughters, both born of song, know well how to voice feelings
to the heart.)
Well, as if this wasn't enough, I am innocently standing at a coffee
shop later that day -- a bit too much later, a bit too tired -- in
Rehovot, waiting to meet a psychoanalyst, Ilany Kogan (of whom more
later), starting a single espresso, which I soon spill shortly after
the next song plays in the cafe. I hear a familiar chorus, written by
Shlomo Artzi after Rabin's murder. The song is lengthy, the chorus
short:
"Where are there more people/ Like this man./ Who was like the weeping willow."
I don't permit myself to recognize it at first; ask the waitress, who
shrugs as she tries to name it; flip through my notebook and finger it
for both of us, a bit in victory. Then the tears begin to crowd the
back of my throat (and I spill my precious espresso). Too much
feeling at the time of Rabin's death.
The waitress is a darling. Removes my spilled espresso, wipes the
counter dry so that I can replace my notebook, returns with a fresh
espresso. (Should you ever be in Rehovot, it is Idan and Susan's,
across and down the street from the Weizman Institute. And should
your cell phone be dead, they will let you call your friend or
colleague from their phone.)
Peretz, asked if he had hope for peace, responded that without hope,
this Land could never have been built. When Moses sent spies to check
the lay of the land before the Jews from Egypt could enter, one spy
described the land as one, "that eats its inhabitants." And we still
sing of it as one of milk and honey.
A wonderful life can be found here. It's the people.-
Copyright N. Szajnberg 2005
