Maggie's Farm

Between Arnold and The French Great Seducer, I am reading plenty of baloney about sex. Things about power as an aphrodisiac, things about "primitive men," that old feminist meme that it's about power and not sex, all sorts of nonsense.

Truth is, most people - men and women - have some or much desire for new sexual and/or romantic experiences. Novelty is exciting, flirting is fun, and seduction is exciting as hell. The French understand that side of the story.

The other side of the story has to do with consequences: The effects on family life, existing relationships, kids, spiritual life, conscience, financial condition and even legal issues. In other words, the grown-up side of the story.

Politicians and the rich and famous have no monopoly on adultery or promiscuity. They are common as dirt among both men and women of all social stations and, unless one tends to form "open" and "Don't ask, don't tell" relationships (which a surprising number of people do these days), they otherwise usually leave a trail of misery, shame, guilt, anger, distrust, and destruction.

Everybody knows that, but some people don't worry about consequences very much. They are too much devoted to "What I want to do" and too quickly forget that "Feelings aren't facts," "Character counts," and life is not meant to be free of struggle, conflict, disappointment, and frustration.

I advise patients that, if they are determined to have affairs or want to "go out," that they file for divorce first. And oh, I know - things do happen though. Having a trusting relationship with decent communication, commitment, and decent or creative sex is the best prevention but sometimes a few drinks at the hotel bar at a convention far away can undo even the best marriages.

One of the saddest things I see in my work are couples, after affairs or "indiscretions." Often, they begin to talk, to open up with each other, to become closer, more honest, and even to become better friends. However, it's too late to salvage the specialness that the relationship might have had. Something innocent dies whether they decide to stay together or not.

A few links on the topic:

Miss Attila: Power, and Its Privileges

Why Powerful Men (Like Arnold) Cheat

How to Tell If Your Partner Is Cheating

Pic is from the wonderful classic, The Seven Year Itch