We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
A patient told me that she had seen something useful on Oprah a while back. Some therapist-type had suggested that, when something about somebody bugs the heck out of you, write a letter to them telling them about it.
But do not mail it. Cross out their name, address it to yourself, and read it as if directed to yourself.
The psychology of how and why we tend to be so annoyed by things in ourselves that we wish to disown, and thus react against in others, is too messy for here. It's enough to say that we all have many tricks that we use, usually unwittingly, to feel OK about ourselves instead of sinking into painful self-reproach. It does not always apply, but applies often enough to be a good rule of thumb.
Give it a try. It is not much fun, but could be educational.
I think we are sometimes also irriitated when others have traits we wish we had but don't. Then, we tend to belittle the others' traits because we don't have them. Same principle really -- we want to reject what we don't like in ourselves, and also reject what we want but don't have.
Hmm... very interestink. I zink zis zerapy might work for people who use ze projection as a crutch.
But there really are people out there who really are trying to bug you. For those, I suggest avoidance. And there’s always the Jim Halpert method.
Who writes letters in this century?If someone annoys you go ahead and give them a call or send them an E-mail and the annoying party will be glad to point out any hypocrisy.Getting things out in the open is the best solution unless you want to keep all your anger hidden and become a closet alcoholic.Communication =evolution.Sending a letter to yourself just delays dealing with a problem.Recognizing my own flaws is important but does nothing to solve the problems of annoying people I have to work with.
Speaking of writing letters you don't send, I'm reminded of an Abe Lincoln story:
"An officer had disobeyed, or failed to comprehend an order.
'I believe I'll sit down,' said Secretary Stanton, 'and give that man a piece of my mind.'
'Do so,' said Lincoln; 'write him now while you have it on your mind. Make it sharp. Cut him all up.'
Stanton did not need a second invitation. It was a 'bone-crusher' that he read to the President.
'That's right,' said Lincoln; 'that's a good one.'
'Whom can I send it by?' mused the Secretary.
'Send it?' replied Lincoln, 'send it? Why, don't send it at all. Tear it up. You have freed your mind on the subject, and that is all that is necessary. Tear it up. You never want to send such letters. I never do.'"