Maggie's Farm

We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.

Our Recent Essays Behind the Front Page

Much Sorry with Delays
Birth, Death and All That Stuff in Between
How to Honor Labor Day, Every Day
My Yom Kippur Miracle (Repost from 2010)
Good intro to fly casting
Peach update, with pie
NYC update
Easy for you to say: To the elites on mass immigration
For NYC on 9/11, Sailors' Snug Harbor
Pickled Peaches
Water Shoes
Labor Costs in U.S.
Your "identity"
Good news about The Great Courses
Uses of Hot Pepper Jelly/Sauce, Chutneys, and Jams
A Saturday Drive to Litchfield County, CT
How to Pick a Kayak
Civilized: Fruit forks and knives
Loads of kayaking on Cape Cod
Psychology Experiments' Questionable Results

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Tuesday, March 2. 2010

Companions

Marriage, and Conflict or Divorce? A ?Lenten confessional piece, with good links.


Who ever said anybody was really a "great catch"? We're all just flawed people.


Posted by Bird Dog in The Culture, "Culture," Pop Culture and Recreation at 10:20 | Comments (11) | Trackbacks (0)

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Yes, marriage is a great way to learn what a self-righteous, cold-hearted, hypocritical jerk you are.
#1 D on 2010-03-02 11:23 (Reply)
Yes. She (or he) will let you know, won't she (or he)?
#1.1 Bird Dog on 2010-03-02 12:49 (Reply)
No, I actually figured it out for myself. My dear husband would not say those things to me. Well, I think he did tell me I was cold-hearted once.
#1.1.1 D on 2010-03-02 12:54 (Reply)
You sound like you are deep in Lent. Same here.
#1.1.1.1 Bird Dog on 2010-03-02 12:59 (Reply)
Thanks for the link, BD.
#2 Retriever on 2010-03-02 12:44 (Reply)
We may all be flawed, including my sweetheart, but she is still a good catch. I'll gladly live with her flaws to share her virtues and her company. Luckily, she feels the same about me.
Now, how do I get her to look at the site??
#3 Geoff Brown on 2010-03-02 14:42 (Reply)
Started as lovers. Became friends. Then partners in parenthood, home building, and economy. We've relearned or, perhaps more accurately, are relearning the friendship part.

Been a long and winding road. Can't imagine continuing the trip without her. Where else could I possibly find such readily available consternation and amusement? She makes me laugh and frequently leaves me baffled which, especially in combination, is sometimes quite enchanting.

Odd business this marriage stuff. There are friends whom I can't understand why they split and others I can't understand why they stay together.
#4 Knucklehead (Link) on 2010-03-02 14:46 (Reply)
Excellent analysis Knucklehead. What is the secret glue that holds a marriage together? Methinks it is respect and communication, plus hard work. I try to tell my children all the time. Life is difficult, and marriage is work. You get what you put into it.

Nice post"R" hope all is well.

If I can add one thing Knucklehead with that "long and winding road". Don't forget the the bitterness, hate and contempt. It's all part of the package we call marriage, any marriage that doesn't have a form of it is a marriage in trouble.
#4.1 jappy on 2010-03-02 17:58 (Reply)
Thanks, J. I think that the good examples of other long-married couples help the most sometimes. Like Marianne, or Knucklehead or you or BD, and others on Maggie's. Far more helpful than the "experts".
#4.1.1 retriever on 2010-03-03 07:13 (Reply)
Recipe for a happy marriage: marry someone older or younger (up to 10 years, either way). Generational differences are interesting and fun. Have cocktails together every day regardless if someone is in intensive care (we have been through that with a child, and he is now running marathons, thanks be to God). Don't let kids call the shots, and certainly don't pay for their graduate or professional educations. Eat dinner in front of the fireplace on a regular basis. Drink champagne regularly even if it is only Cook's brut.
#5 MissyW on 2010-03-02 17:52 (Reply)
When I married my husband 38 years ago, we established a tradition of Friday night "marriage appreciation dinners" at any restaurant we liked and could afford. We still do this, although it is a noontime observance, since we don't drive at night.

But the advantages remain. Sitting across the table from one another, talking and focusing on what the other is saying, and not having to worry about the cooking of the meal allows us to concentrate totally on each other, the way we did when we were courting. If we've got problems, they surface and we discuss them. If we have triumphs, we praise the one who has triumphed. And if we have heartbreaks, we console each other. Best of all, it de-fuses resentments and mis-communications. And who among us doesn't have those?

It still works, even after 38 years.

Marianne
#6 Marianne Matthews on 2010-03-02 23:20 (Reply)

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