We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
People don’t actually “grow apart” in relationships. They simply stop taking care of each other. They stop waking up and looking at their spouse with gratitude and awe. They stop finding ways to make that person happy that they are married to each other. They stop behaving as though they love that person with their last breath. They basically stop being the kind of person they themselves would want to come home to.
And then I find myself thinking "Who the heck would want to come home to face themselves?"
I think people are pretty beleaguered in the rest of their lives, and sometimes run out of energy to be that wonderful person someone might hurry home to.
My favorite piece of advice on marriage (from a casual acquaintance) was that every morning you should look in the mirror and tell yourself "You're not that great a catch yourself" (so as to revive the gratitude and awe?)
retriever ... Yes, most of us are pretty beleaguered a lot of the time. But I know when I get cranky sometimes at my husband, I remember all the wonderful things he has done for me, like building me a 50 foot greenhouse all by himself because I wanted to grow orchids. And I realize that he's probably a lot better than the man I deserve. So he's the man I love.
Colette, the great French writer and commenter on the vagaries of society, said in an article I once read that many interpersonal problems between husbands and wives could be solved if each member of a couple would be as polite to his/her spouse as he/she was to strangers. And that she always tried to live that way.
It seemed to work for her. Her husband, who was 20 years younger than she, appeared to adore her all of their married life. Kind of like Diane de Poitiers and Henri II of France, who was also 20 years younger than Diane and faithful to her to the end of her life.
What is it about these French women? The popular ones seem to know the effectiveness of good manners to all.
I admit I have some good qualities, but I don't think I'm worth hurrying home to. My ever-loving husband seems to think otherwise, for which I am exceedingly grateful.
Incidentally, Dr. Laura's book, "The Care and Feeding of Husbands," is very, very good, although if you are a product of our feminist culture (and isn't everybody?) it may raise your eyebrows in some places. I've seen visiting houseguests page through it, but nobody ever comments.
Every now and then Dr. Laura has a good thought. I like her politics.
She used to be on the radio after Rush Limbaugh but I could never listen to more than 10 minutes of her show lest I blow a gasket. Finally the local station had the good sense to drop her and pick up Sean Hannity.