We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
It is remarkable that each and every one of the women who has
called my show complaining about her husband, and who was then asked
the question, "Would you want to come home to you?" has said,
haltingly, no. There it is. When women disdain masculinity and their
own femininity, all is lost for the family.
These sorts of discussions, however interesting at times, are a bit off the point. Men need to be gentle sometimes, and women need to be tough sometimes. Both obviously have these capacities. However, I think that if a woman wants to have a happy marriage she would do well to at least give Dr. Laura a listen. She understands men pretty well, and likes them for what they are.
The women finds something is wrong. The man is sent on a quest to fix it. The woman shows him that she's satisfied with him, for his spirit if not his success.
That's what made every man in America fall in love with agent 99 in Get Smart in the 60s.
When the woman finds something is wrong and there's no particular man involved, but rather all men in general, you get received feminism. Something is wrong and men have to change to fix it. Since it is not possible to show satisfaction, there being no man to show it to, it remains stuck as bitchiness.
When a woman fails to show satisfaction to her particular man, you get nagging.
That showing of satisfaction is everything. Men live for it.
rhhardin ... "That showing of satisfaction is everything. Men live for it." That is so-oo true. And such a graceful, kindly thing to do. We old women knew this before we were in our 'teens. Almost from the cradle we learned it. I remember my mother saying something to the effect that men have to do so much that is difficult in our world that they really need to be praised and thanked generously for what they do do. That their hearts are just as fragile and needy as our own. I never forgot that, and I've lived by it for more than 80 years now.
I think most guys like women who are feminine, soft, thoughtful, caring and appreciative, but who can also be tough and smart, and who can ply a shovel or shoot a gun like pioneer women. Or use a spread sheet.
I'll take a swing. I think most adults want a member of the opposite sex who mostly has the characteristics thereof -- men are looking for soft, pretty, sweet and women are looking for handsome, strong, determined. I think we also want a member of the opposite sex who can switch roles at need: the woman who will fight for children or man, the man who will walk the floor for an hour with the fussy child. Adults have to move among a lot of roles and we always have had to do that.
JMA: everybody has seen different experiences. Not knowing how things have happened in your life, I can hope they have happened well or, since it sounds like they didn't, that they will in the future.
I think that any man or woman who has to be 'trained' in the art of loving has a serious problem. These women writers have gotten rich telling women how to be 'good' women.
The smart people know this is not about gender but about human nature. I'll use an extreme example of how the continuum works between humans: The cruelest form of punishment is shunning. The cruelest form of child abuse is neglect.
What each of those shows is that the person is not even worthy as a human being. Pick your spot on the continuum. The choice is yours.
Dr. Bliss, would you know if Meta has been banned?
She seems unable to comment. If so I'm beyond belief at the way she has been treated. Unfairly, unjustly and without benefit of being able to defend herself. Certainly would seem to go against everything in that banner up there.
Thanks, Geoff. My life has gone quite well, but more along the lines that you describe where one appreciates all aspects of another's nature and can tolerate it when the strong man sobs or the soft, sweet lady stands firm.
Read Dr. Laura's quote again. "...each and every one of the women who..."? I highly doubt it. She's delusional.
jma ... I'm sure most of you are familiar with the famous quote from one of my most admired authors which has pretty much summed up for me what I should do with my life: " A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet ... fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." Robert Heinlein had it right, bless him.
Bird Dog - what you describe reminds me of many of Robert Heinlein's female characters. Dora, from Time Enough for Love, perfectly fits the sweet, affectionate, loving while also strong and competent.
Ms. Matthews, you're comments are one of the reasons that I read this blog. Your thoughts and your concise, yet warm, writing never fail to disappoint. I get a small dose of cheer every time I see your name signed to a comment.
No one would have described me as "soft, pretty, or sweet" at any time in my life, I think. But I have, in advanced age, at least learned to appreciate my husband explicitly and gratefully for what he does, especially when he does what I can't. He's not like me, and I know it, and honor it. He is the mainstay of my life.
Our mutual appreciation is grounded in reality, not false modesty. Each knows what the other is more or less competent in, and if our talents don't always break down along traditional lines, well, there you are.