Maggie's Farm

Once upon a time the Better-Two-Thirds and I were selling our home. It was what is euphemistically referred to 'round here as a "starter home". We'd started there and we wanted out.

The buyer's home inspector had spotted termites in a firewood pile out back of the house and the buyers somewhat understandably wanted the house treated. But you couldn't legally treat the house unless termites were found in the structure and that hadn't happened. They wanted us to pay for a termite inspection but they wanted to select the inspector. We agreed to that and a date was set.

When the date arrived a van pulled up with, no kidding, "Ranger the Wonderdog" painted on the side. Ranger was the oldest beagle I've ever seen and allegedly trained to sniff out termites.

I think Ranger's sniffing days were behind him - I wouldn't 'a bet a bagel that beagle could find bacon let alone termites. To make a short story longer, I watched in growing amusement as the inspector led Ranger around the house tapping on things with a long stick and barking, "Ranger! Seek!" Ranger was apparently finding no termites.

Eventually he held the stick horizontally out in front of him and barked, yet again, "Ranger! Seek!" Ranger proceeded to sniff a moment and then started scratching at our bedpost. I couldn't contain myself any longer and guffawed out, "Yikes! We have termites in the bedpost!"

My wife was disturbed by the obvious fraud of the whole thing but we had a good laugh and got the house treated. Besides, you gotta love beagles even if they are long passed their prime.