Maggie's FarmWe are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for. |
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Friday, March 8. 2024Basic Things My Life on a FridayStarting with my brother's arrival soon. He is driving an hour from outside Philadelphia to see me. He will drive me to radiation at 11am, then to Rahway to solve a license issue for a new one. I can't order a new one online since it ends in 5 days on my 62nd birthday of March 12. Apparently, you get this close and they want you in reality rather than handling things online. So after that, we'll grab lunch and possibly walk some - I am finally feeling exercise. I signed up for a poker tournament locally. I've never played PLO and I've won that tournament for Texas Hold 'em several times. So that was always pleasant. But since my times are shorted, it's time to learn a newer version. I do well playing Hold 'em online - oddly the removal of my tumor has actually vastly increased my intelligence oddly. If you've never seen the movie with John Travolta, "Phenomenon" it isn't too bad. It's a larger intelligence expansion than I'm experiencing, but the testing (outside of a few words I have trouble remembering for speaking or misspelling, which was non-existent a month ago) is different from me knowing and understanding. The doctors have started at me with suprrise at how much I understand and speak of everything regarding me, my relationships, my business and other items which they fully did not expect after this operation. They recognize I understand my own situation extraordinarily well compared to many others. Both the depth of my issues and the knowledge of the problems and how it is often trialed for testing. Finally feeling well enough to get started on fixing my January travel expenses for business on 2 trips I'd taken before my illness. I was too messed up after operation to do anything with that. I'm now 2 days past a month, so that's a benefit. And my health is vastly improved. The doctors are getting me passing for local NJ Cannabis Dispensary for edibles. I do not use cannabis, haven't many years. I have not liked it ever since college, really. However, edibles apparently (based on several friends using chemo) that stop several illnesses from chemo. That has not happened yet. But I'll use a little if I get messed up. Also, many things need effort and interest over the weekend. Finalize taxes, work on the house, and spending to improve the house. Frankly I suggested to Mrs. Bulldog to sell one old 15 year car which needs a new timing belt (over $4,000 to fix, but just trading it will add $2,000 to a new car). She'd rather pay too much to fix it and keep it for 2 years as after 2 years with me gone - who needs a second car? We have a disagreement on that. Also suggesting we sell the house rather than pay to fix it all. I told her a smaller place for her to live in is preferable after I'm gone. Let the buyer pay for our home now, pay way less for a smaller home. That's a conversation for this weekend, I suppose. Pastor next week on my birthday to speak with students so they can learn about life difficulty. An odd conversation with the sociology administrator at the hospital was learning a lot. She loved my very rare attitude and approach. She pointed out people rarely consider or think about the fact that everyone dies. As a result, life is often managed over the fact they are living now as is - often leading to difficulties and disagreements (or worse). Once you know the ending (as I do) your life and efforts change. Few change it the same way - often it's related to fear, annoyance or scare. She was pleased with my open conversation and belief that death happens, anyway - so why get upset or worry now? It's a waste of time. When you don't have a timing like mine, she pointed out, there are lots of other issues people engage. Because you forget you never know when things happen or end. It is intriguing. One final conversation. Dogs. I love my little dog. Not an English Bulldog like my first two. A French Bulldog we rescued after a mill planned to kill it after it had several puppy birth groups. Many of these mills are just awful and do not care about dogs except to make money from puppies. Rescues get a push from people saying helping mills is poorly thought out. I disagree. We originally planned to just foster the dog for 2 weeks and release it to someone who wanted it. But at her 5th year, when we rescued her, I fell in love with her. A co-speaker commented that, as I die, I will have the chance to finally se"e my last 2 again, as well as my current one someday. I agreed and reminded her that there is a wonderful Twilight Zone TV show - one I think is the best. The link to The Hunt. I studied Twilight Zone while I was studying TV Production in college as part of my 3 way major/minor. Serling was from Syracuse and it often aired in his shows. All his programming was genius while I was a child. Double, if not triple true today. So many people pass on it now. My sons still love it - and my boys are film/TV geniuses, even though neither had it as a major as I did. I could share their lists and I may after my birthday. Lots worth seeing. Trackbacks
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Death comes for all of us. The fact is, that God has a plan for all of us. You don’t know when your time is up. Most of the men on my mom and dad’s side of the family, didn’t live much past 60. Quite a few died in their fifties. My dad died at 67. He was just starting to enjoy retirement. My grandfather lived to 101. As I approach 60, I keep all these facts in the back of my mind. I welcome death, not because I am suicidal, but because I know there is a better life after death. I long to see my savior and my family. Until He takes me home, I have His work to do.
I love your attitude Bulldog. Keep on the sunny side. Always on the sunny side. Also love your attitude, B.
Bulldog's really pouring out a lot of love in these posts. Very humbling and inspiring. Your writing is extremely good and as a person passing 60, it gives me a lot to reflect on. Truly very inspiring.
You remain in my prayers. Bulldog pls contact me by email for some helpful oncology information.
Tried to reply but your email address which is linked to your name came up as false and has been rejected. If you have another I'm happy to contact you to gain the information.
My reply was basic - I have spoken to several oncologists already (close to 5 in the NY region) and the results and comments were all mostly the same. That doesn't mean I oppose speaking to more, and I'm happy to speak with others as they are recommended. Thank you.
For me, the issue is primarily making sure the misspelling is correctly managed, and I remain as factual as possible based on my daily coverage and/or reading. I had someone complain recently about my failed reading in news. I appreciate this when it happens so I can double check and assure my mentality is still operating properly. Oddly, this person was incorrect and I handed them the article, and they literally admitted they'd flawed. I had another even state, while I was speaking about football and who had won Super Bowls by the number of victories, that my figures were all flawed. I pulled up the results - and I was correct and received an apology. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I do tell people if I used the wrong language, wrong word, or misspell one, or even get a factual error to notice and let me know. So far, only the two I mentioned suggested my facts were erred. But several have assisted me with misspelling and language improvement. That is all welcomed - and I won't be angry if I mention a factual error that is properly mentioned and outlined. While I have, wisely, been assisted with some writing or speaking errors, I thank that. If I err on facts, and proof provided, I'll thank that as well. Thankfully that is the only portion which I'm told has not happened yet among my other errors. Even doctors and therapists test me and have admitted I need some writing and speaking work. But all admitted my factual linking has been 100% correct. Unfortunately, probably due to a late night (my sleeping has shifted and is terrible lately again), I did poorly on several tests this morning to work my language and math. The games I sign up for to test came in their lowest score in a month for the first time due to sleep I've needed since early AM. Distressing but I'll probably have a nap and feel better later. I really appreciate your posts, Bulldog. Your attitude toward death, which is something we all have to deal with (so incredibly trite to say but I suspect most of us think we have the luxury of ignoring that inevitability hoping that ours will be a “random” occurrence that we wouldn’t be able to see coming), is a valuable example for us all.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. It means a lot that you take the time out of the time you have for us. Bulldog, you are taking me back ten years ago when my ALS stricken husband and I had to have the kinds of talks you and your wife are having. First of all you are exhibiting huge grace under fire. I always like your writing and I am very much moved by your openness about your affliction. One of the greatest legacies a man can leave is to die with courage and without anger, and prepare the way forward for his wife by having all of the practical conversations which you are doing. The neurologist who diagnosed my husband after doing EMGs asked him to stand and then embraced him. He said, "this is not the life you need to worry about." These words are for you now.
Re: Car and House
Your wife's desire to keep the familiar in the face of upcoming catastrophic change seems perfectly understandable. As, of course. is your desire to "better" her situation while you can. |