We are a commune of inquiring, skeptical, politically centrist, capitalist, anglophile, traditionalist New England Yankee humans, humanoids, and animals with many interests beyond and above politics. Each of us has had a high-school education (or GED), but all had ADD so didn't pay attention very well, especially the dogs. Each one of us does "try my best to be just like I am," and none of us enjoys working for others, including for Maggie, from whom we receive neither a nickel nor a dime. Freedom from nags, cranks, government, do-gooders, control-freaks and idiots is all that we ask for.
I'm sorry, you need a permit to do that and our office is closed. Leave your name and phone number and a short message and we will get back to you.
Meanwhile the FBI will appear before the FISA court with a fake dossier on you and begin wire taping your phones, We will investigate your entire life and the lives of anyone associated with you. If we find any dirt on your, and even if we don't, we will take you to court with the full weight of the U.S. government behind us while you have to pay a mediocre lawyer $100,000 retainer just to take your case. We will continue to bring you into court until you are broke and broken and if that isn't enough we will convince our old college buddy who just happens to be a New York AG to charge you in state court. You are so screwed...
Meanwhile, our operatives will be running a government-sanctioned slush fund from the State Department. If you dare to ask about that, we will know you are not to be trusted. Our allies in the mainstream media will ignore the story as long as possible and attempt to muddy the water as much as they are able.
You see, we only care to investigate our enemies. Anyone on our side who is imperfect is to be left alone when we aren't praising them to the skies.