Why kid ourselves? Maintain your self-respect by resolving to meet realistic goals. One cool aspect to these is that, if you fail to keep them, it's a good thing instead of a cause for self-loathing. Samples (feel free to borrow):
1. I will not exercise at all and will avoid all forms of difficult or tedious exertion beyond walking around and looking at stuff
2. I will gain weight
3. I will resume smoking
4. I will watch more TV and movies, and read fewer books
5. I will do more take-out and minimize home cooking
6. I will quit vegetables entirely
7. I will not clean out or sort out a single closet
8. I will have a messy desk and disorganized paperwork
9. I will do more things at the last minute, or tomorrow
10. I will buy one more firearm I don't need
11. I will make the HQ a Sanctuary Space for dustballs
12. I will throw more recycles into the regular garbage
13. I will continue to try to avoid the dentist and doctor
14. I will waste more of my precious lifetime looking at ephemeral, meaningless BS on the internet
15. I will ignore "Check Engine" lights and seatbelt alarms
16. I will work harder on loving myself whether I deserve it or not
17. I will give more credit to myself, and less to God.