Well, I found it. I found the ultimate retirement home, and the most amazing thing is that it's free. Yes, it's state-subsidized, but so what? It's one thing to claim, "I don't take no handouts, I'm doin' it all on my own!" when you're young, but what happens when you get old and frail and can't jump through those hoops of fire like you could when you were younger? And what about those zillions of dollars in taxes you paid over a lifetime and didn't get jack shit in return? Maybe it's time the gub'mint gave a little something back, hmm? I say, yes!
I took some photos of the place when I was touring it the other day, and thought I'd pass them along in case you, too, are thinking of retirement plans. Granted, it's no Ritz By The Sea, but it's still upscale and classy, as you'll see. And, of course, it's free.
First, the rooms:
Pretty nice, eh? Each 'suite', as they're called, has its own tiled bathroom, mini-fridge and flat-screen TV. I can't remember if Bob, our tour guide, said they also have a high-speed Internet connection, but I presume so.
There's more after the fold — and you just won't believe the last picture!
Here's one of the lounge areas:
Bob said those footstool things are actually pretty cool from a 'social dyanmic' point of view, in that the rollers allow people to easily scoot around and spontaneously form little mini-groups as each group pursues some specialized aspect of religion or philosophy or metaphysics.
Here a shot of the modern medical facility:
I asked Bob if they used electroshock therapy like they do at my present sanitarium and he said no, they used some kind of sexual therapy routine, but he didn't elaborate.
Here's the gymnasium:
There are a bunch of basketball hoops and a rock-climbing wall. If you prefer outdoor activities, there are jogging trails and a soccer field. The "Path To Serendipity" nature walk is supposed to really be inspirational.
This is out behind one of the buildings:
You can see the beautiful glass atrium and someone looking out over the marvelous countryside in the background.
Here's another shot of the grounds:
I have to admit, when I fantasized about retiring to a serenic place like this in Beautiful Camp Elmwood, I had no idea that such a place really existed.
And now, for le pièce de résistance...
The next time you're checking out retirement homes, ask them if they've got one of these babies:
Yes, it's a recording studio. Picture you on the cigar-box git-tar, Mabel on the bass washbucket, Henry on the jaw harp — you'll have a ball!
And, as if all that wasn't enough, you might be living with a celebrity!
Because the beautiful Halden Luxury Retirement Centre, located in Norway, might soon be accommodating mass murderer Anders Breivik, he of 77 deaths and counting.
Here's a corner shot of the beautiful Halden Luxury Retirement Centre:
Also known as Halden "Prison" to some.
